We did not write this, but we certainly applaud it.

1. A real couple doesn't deny. A real couple doesn't want to deny. They may not go out of their way to say "Hey, I am dating so and so." but they also don't try to hide it. What would be the point? Can you imagine the amount of stress that would put on a relationship? Always making sure you are seen in groups. Always make sure that if you're out together, one of you is not walking close to the other. Never touching, never being there...all because "hey, I want to keep something to myself."

2. A real couple doesn't snark. A real boyfriend would never turn his relationship or soulmate "I am so gonna marry this girl!" into a punchline. A real boyfriend doesn't go on national TV and when questioned about the status of this romance he replies with "Kristen is pregnant." That is humiliation. Think if you were with a guy and someone asked "So you two...are you dating?" and this guy you adore turns to the table and says "Yeah, she's pregnant." Rob turned that whole question into a massive joke--because that is what it is to them, a massively huge joke. When you're not "sexing" it up with someone, you can afford to be all snark and sass and say things like "Yeah, she's pregnant." "Oh yeah, we're getting married next week." "Don't you know? We're married!" You don't do that to someone who you hold their heart and they hold yours. A real couple would not turn their relationship, their lives, or each other into a punchline because that hurts feelings and shows a clear sign of no respect. Reese was being snarky about marrying Rob and being pregnant. Why? Because she is not marrying him--not in a romantic relationship with him--she can afford to be all snark and punchlines. A genuine girlfriend doesn't tell a journalist "Oh? I have a boyfriend? I didn't know...good to know."

3. A real couple kisses goodbye in airports and holds hands when they walk down streets. Don't you shippers ever get sick of playing Memory with pictures and trying to match up things that mean something by grabbing a picture of Kristen in LA from 2009 and trying to match it with a picture of Rob in London in 2010? Don't you ever think--damn, it would be so much easier to be obsessed with a couple that actually looks like one? One when they're out they're happy and smiles? One when they are walking down the street they're hand in hand or arm in arm? One that will have no issue with using words in the English language like "I am dating Kristen Stewart." or "I am dating Rob Pattinson." One where you don't have to rely on what some secret person who you don't know from Adam (whoever Adam is) to tell you what means what. Or having to hack into people's FB accounts to try to sneak pictures off? Or hang your hat on made up stories about necklaces, black shoe-strings and gold rings on the wrong fingers? Wouldn't you like just once to hear something from the people you adore instead of Delaney and her interpretation on some stranger's necklace?

4. A real couple--during the infamous honeymoon period glow. They can't hide shit. Remember what it was like when you had a crush or love someone and you're friends would give you a hard time and you'd deny, but you just couldn't? Because you blush and you giggle and you can't help praising that person and lighting up? Damned hard. All those hormones and phermones just give you away. Think of Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas. They can't seem to stop smiling--they can't seem to stop walking hand in hand--they can't seem to stop going out one on one.

5. A real couple wants the support of the other. A real couple would want to stand together on a red carpet--whether they're in the film together or not. Not get together with the other co-star to have a photo op to sell to papers. A real boyfriend wants his girlfriend to be with him and visa versa. A real boyfriend would want to be at his girlfriend's events--because he'd want to support her. A real girlfriend would want to walk the red-carpet with her boyfriend and not show up in clothes that looked slept in--a turned out t-shirt, hair in some god-awful condition. A real couple wants to hang out together at the after party and walk around together and be a couple.

6. A real boyfriend, knowing his girlfriend is rather terrified of photogs does not basically let her hang back there so she can be harrassed. Instead of looking like two people going through a mutual situation together, he'd step up and protect her--and if that is too unfierce, he'd at least help her.

7. A real girlfriend would know that her real boyfriend loves Nicholson and might tell him before she dropped the bomb in a public interview that she had the chance to meet him. A real boyfriend would know about a his real girlfriend's run in with the rape comment and the fall out and not find out in a very public interview. A real couple has a tendency to share things and especially share and unite on emotionally wrought things like being called out for poor behavior and getting beat up by the press. A real girlfriend would not have to ask her real boyfriend how he preparing for their upcoming work--for if they lived together--she'd know for she'd be preparing with him. A real boyfriend would not have to drop the bomb on the real girlfriend in an interview that he has met their new director. Because a real couple communicates.

8. A real boyfriend would be the first there to lead his real girlfriend on stage and not lag behind while his other male co-star did the honors. A real boyfriend would be the first there to help his real girlfriend off the stage and walk with her to the side and not let his other male co-star take charge. A real girlfriend would walk off stage with her real boyfriend and not leave him there to do whatever while she let's the other male co-star escort her. A real boyfriend would be sure to help his real girlfriend down the steps at an award show and not merely stand by and let the other male co-star do the honors while he stands there and watches. A real boyfriend and real girlfriend would stand around together backstage and "commune" not just stand there while the real girlfriend plays around with the other male co-star. A real girlfriend would not hang on, play around, hug on, hand hold her other male co-star while her boyfriend stands opposite them and doesn't care. A real girlfriend does not lead on other male co-stars and makes innuendos to them because she is already taken--unless she wants it to be known she is willing and ready to be stolen away. A real life other male would not step up and escort, lead by the small of the back, hand hold, lean on her shoulder, whisper to some other friend's girlfriend who is sitting right next to her on the couch.

So in conclusion: I have to ask...hey shippers, don't you guys get tired of being like the high school kids who had the mad crush on the guy they were too afraid to talk to and instead used signs to convince themselves that he liked them too?

"Oh God, he looked at me when I was in the hall...that means something right?"
"Oh God, he smiled when I smiled at him in the classroom...that means something right?"
"He wore that blue sweater and I wore mine today, it's fate, right?"

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