Jonathan Sloman · @SquidyUK
14th Jun 2010 from Twitlonger
Here's an analysis of dubious topics in the 1992 Max Bygraves jokebook I Wanna Tell You A Funny Story (a semi-colon marks a break in jokes on the same page):-
Page 1: nothing. (title page.)
Page 2: nothing. (copyright information.)
Page 3-6: cheapness of Jews, amputation, defecation, perversion, teenage mothers, contraception. (This was the biographical introduction.)
Page 7: imprisonment, setting people on fire.
Page 8-9: imprisonment, wasting police time; cemeteries.
Page 10-13: nothing (anecdote about and picture of Tommy Cooper.)
Page 13: nymphomania, sexual consent obtained by fraud. (This joke also mentions Jews and Native Americans but in a positive way.)
Page 14-15: underage marriage, incest, disgust at the lack of a possible rape.
Page 16: male prostitution, lack of sex in marriage; stammerers.
Page 17-19: nothing. (anecdote about and picture of Jack Benny.)
Page 19: child killing insects, child encouraging father to withhold sex from his mother.
Page 20-23: nothing. (anecdote about and picture of Judy Garland.)
Page 24: stupidity of the Irish; further stupidity of the Irish, defecation.
Page 25: breast enlargements, penis enlargement, amputation; death, adultery in vicars.
Page 26-27: nothing ('sick squid' joke.)
Page 28-30: nothing. (anecdote about and picture of Jimmy Tarbuck.)
Page 30: cheapness of Scotsmen, brothels.
Page 31: stupidness of South Africans, lesbians; cunning of Jews with regard to making money.
Page 32-33: middle-aged man utilising experience gained by having sex with his diseased wife; prostitutes, nuns, prostitute nuns.
Page 34-35: Chinese Pidgin English; sixty year-old couple having sanctioned affairs with twenty year-olds, blatant penetration reference.
Page 36-37: nothing. (anecdote about Bygraves' bank manager.)
Page 38-39: defecation. (anecdote about and picture of Ted Ray.)
Page 40: nothing. (clean joke about an elephant.)
Page 41: nudity, nipples, flashing a child.
Page 42 - 45: nothing. (anecdote about and picture of Eric Sykes.)
Page 45: cheapness of Jews.
Page 46: cunning of Jews with regard to making money; ejaculation, old man's difficulty at masturbating.
Page 47: stupidness of the Irish.
Page 48-49: nothing. (anecdote about and picture of Danny LaRue.)
Page 50-51: dog murdering another dog; giving steroids to a racehorse.
Page 52-53: urination (anecdote about Bygraves' son Anthony.)
Page 54-54: defecation; Chinese Pidgin English; the Irish accent while drunk.
Page 56-58: nothing. (anecdote about and picture of Sean Connery.)
Page 58: adultery, public nudity, man wearing condom.
Page 59: adulterous priest; bribery of a child.
Page 60-61: girl raping a male virgin, man using his erect penis to dig for clams.
Page 62-65: death, grieving. (anecdote about and picture of George Burns.)
Page 65: car crash, amputation, transplants; stupidness of the Irish; further stupidness of the Irish.
Page 66-67: wife who doesn't want to have sex with husband; doctor fraudulently telling a nun she's pregnent.
Page 68-70: nothing. (anecdote about and picture of Benny Hill.)
Page 71: stupid Irish girl confused about AIDS; adultery stemmed from confusion.
Page 72-75: nothing. (anecdote about and picture of Frankie Howerd.)
Page 75: a doctor looking at a man's wife's dirty vagina and anus through a toilet seat.
Page 76-77: adultery, nudity, drawing of a naked man's penis; advice to a window cleaner on how to get pregnant.
Page 78-79: nothing. (anecdote about sportsman Bill Shankland.)
Page 79: dyslexia.
Page 80-82: nothing. (anecdote about and picture of Des O'Connor.)
Page 82: child asking its mother how lions make love.
Page 83: man fucking a pumpkin, drawing of man fucking a pumpkin.
Page 84: sex allusions.
Page 85: prostitution rates; adultery.
Page 86-89: periods, tampons, Lancashire swearing. (anecdote about and picture of pianist Bob Dixon.)
Page 87: satire; testicles.
Page 90-91: adultery; stupidness of Irish names.
Page 92-95: nothing (anecdote about and picture of Geoff Love, though it does contain a reference to the society Stars Organisation for Spastics, and the black Love referencing his tan.)
Page 95: adultery, cheapness of Jews.
Page 96: inflatable woman; great then-topical anecdote about two dead comedians.
Moral: Be wary when buying a comedian's book purely for the showbiz anecdotes.